The Siren Song of Nostalgia

Hey, have you met my friend Nostalgia?  She’s the one over there at the corner of the pool; the one with the pretty face and that sultry voice.  She likes to swim, and if you’re feeling kind of blue—hell, even if you’re feeling pretty great—she’ll invite you in for a dip.  She’s pretty persuasive, so if she starts talking to you, I hope you’ve got swim trunks on.

She’ll tell you how awesome the water is, over and over again.  Be careful though.  She can hold her breath for a really long time, and if you get too wrapped up in her underwater tea party, you might just drown.

Sure it’s tempting to partake of another portion of sea-cucumber sandwiches sitting on the bottom.  She makes the best sandwiches.  Just make sure to come up for air once in a while.

Twenty-One Again

Actually, Nostalgia and I had a run-in the other night that reminded me I prefer her at a distance.

It was the oddest thing.  I was in the home stretch of the work day, sometime after nine at night, and it was horribly slow.  A lone swimmer occupied the pool, moving up and down the lane nearest the wall with a clumsy, heavy freestyle stroke that left a lot of water on the deck.

My coworker put on a playlist over the pool speakers.  He does this from time to time—usually some sort of cool (temperature) sounding electronic music that helps guide us to the finish line—and it’s nice.  Sometimes I recognize the tracks he plays, and other times I don’t, but this night. . .

A track started by the now-obscure duo Télépopmusik.  You may remember their track Breathe from a popular car commercial circa 2004.  That’s how I got into them, anyways.  This wasn’t that song, and the particular track isn’t important, just the fact that I hadn’t heard it in who knows how many years—maybe not since I was new to Boston over a decade ago.

Sitting in my lifeguard chair I glimpsed her out of the corner of my eye, over there at the edge of the pool.

She was speaking, and though I couldn’t hear her, I could read her lips.  “Come over here, Gregory.  I want to talk to you.  Look, I’ve got sea-cucumber sandwiches!”

How could I resist?  By the time I climbed down from the chair and planted my feet on the tiled deck, I was twenty-one years old again.

The World Was My Oyster

I sat down at the edge of the pool beside her and let my feet fall into the water.  She placed her hand on my knee and smiled with the light of a million happy memories.  “Remember?” She asked.  “Remember how great it was when all of this was fresh and new?”

I sighed and closed my eyes (a terrible thing to do while lifeguarding) and I did remember!

First I pictured my sunny bedroom—the one with the windows that faced north and east—where I watched more than a few sunrises over the ocean.  That house was on Jones Hill in Dorchester, up high enough that I could easily see the ocean a scant third of a mile away.  I thought about how creative I’d been there; I wrote so much music, started my first blog, and generally lived the romantic life of a starving artist.

Looking East from the cupola on Jones Hill.

I thought about how I’d pined for love.  I didn’t like being single, but hadn’t I relished the thrill of possibility every time I talked to a stranger online?  Hadn’t I enjoyed playing the role of the hopeless romantic?

Nostalgia removed her hand from my knee and slid into the water.  “Come on in,” she said.  “A little deeper.”

I recalled the simplicity of those days.  I was too poor to go out very often, so I spent my evenings and days off laying in bed with an audiobook, watching the light as it moved across the walls.  Oh, the worlds I visited between those four walls!

There were evenings spent in the cupola looking out at the city a few miles to the north, dreaming of its possibilities as the lights of the skyscrapers glittered like stars.  On those nights I could be anything and everything I wanted to be.  My biggest worry was paying my meager rent on time, and whether the love-interest-of-the-week would return my call.

“Come on in,” she said.  “The water is so nice!”

Why not?  I thought.  Life today was so much more complicated.  Back then I didn’t have to think about things like the mortgage or paying homeowner’s insurance.  I gave no thought to retirement accounts.  There was no Twitter or Facebook or smart phones or author platforms to build. I had little concern for politics.  Things were simple.  They were easy.  They were. . . better?

“Let’s go!” Nostalgia said.  “What are you waiting for?  Dive in!”

A Cold Dose of Reality

A slosh and a slap preceded the unpleasant sensation of cold water across my face.  The clumsy freestyler, still the sole occupant of the pool, was swimming just in front of me now, letting his heavy arms fall into the water.  With each stroke, a spray of icy water leaped from the pool onto the deck.  I was hit again—nearly soaked now—and suddenly freed from my reverie.

The Télépopmusik track was over now, and Nostalgia was nowhere to be seen.  She’d gone under without me.

As I stood up again and headed back to my lifeguard chair, I laughed to myself.  What foolish thoughts—to think things had been better back then.  I climbed back into my chair and smiled.  I am happier now than I’ve ever been, and how dare she even tempt me to think that isn’t true!

The truth is, I’ll always look back on those early days in Boston fondly.  I was so inspired.  Everything was new, and not just the geography.  I’m glad to have felt that constant heartache.  I’ll always treasure the music I wrote.  I wouldn’t trade those sunrises or my days staring at the ceiling for anything, but actually? . .

Life really sucked back then!  I was constantly alone and lonely.  Paying rent on time was an actual struggle.  I was poor, and never ate well enough.  Even if I’d had money, I couldn’t go out because I lost my ID somewhere and it took nine months to reestablish my identity.  I was living in a nice part of a not-so-nice part of town.  To make ends meet I had four part-time jobs that rarely added up to full-time employment.  And sure, I was creatively prolific, but it didn’t matter because I had nowhere to share the music I was creating.

Were things actually simpler?  I don’t think so.  I think the struggles were just different.

Contrast all of that with today, and there is really no comparison.  I love my husband and I love being married.  I’ve got two awesome cats, a beautiful hundred-year-old condo that we own, a fantastic low-stress job with amazing benefits, a solid, enduring group of friends. . . I could go on, but you get the point.

And now my creative endeavors are finding an audience.  I’m connecting with a  community of people that like what I have to say, and I’m loving their words in return.  All of this reminds me. . .

Nostalgia is just a siren singing a sweet song

No matter what, even if things were better at some other time, the present is always going to be the best time to be alive.  In large part, this is because the present is all we have to work with.  We can’t go back, and furthermore, we shouldn’t.  If we’re unhappy with our current circumstances, we have the power to change them.  The thing we can’t do, however, is drown in the misleading glories of our past.

I think a small portion of Nostalgia and her sea-cucumber sandwiches can be a good thing—it can motivate us to reconnect with the things we’ve loved and maybe lost.  For instance, I think I’m going to get out the piano later tonight and write a little music.  But a little Nostalgia goes a long way.

She’s a siren, after all.  Remember to come up for air.

How about your thoughts?  Do you get lost going down memory lane?  Do you pine for the good old days, or are you content with the here and now?  I’d love to know in the comments below.

Thank you as always for reading,

Gregory

#drowning#gay#greece#LGBT#LGBTQ#life#life advice#memories#mythology#nostalgia#pools#present#siren#siren song#swimming#swimming pools#telepopmusik

Comments

  1. stoneronarollercoaster - June 1, 2017 @ 2:36 pm

    wowww! u penned it down so amazingly well.
    i keep on saying old times were better. i really miss my school days thats the max i have ever been happy and carefree and myself…but its just that siren maybe.
    because we have walked a long path to be here and its not that bad. we forget out past struggles easily and miss the good part.

    present is unsatisfying- midnight in paris

    • Gregory Josephs - June 1, 2017 @ 10:45 pm

      Thank you! Yeah, it’s easy to forget the struggles we’ve gone through and focus only on the good things in our past. It’s always a mixed bag.

      You’re right in saying we’ve all walked a long path to be wherever we are today. We can look back and celebrate our accomplishments while still reveling in the present.

      • stoneronarollercoaster - June 2, 2017 @ 4:32 pm

        So true! being ungrateful is one of the traits that makes us human.

  2. updownflight - June 1, 2017 @ 3:41 pm

    Great writing!

    I do get nostalgic, but I wouldn’t go back to the past because there are so many things I appreciate today. Not just my husband (who is extremely important to me), but the lessons I’ve learned and the better more caring person I’ve become.

    My illness still slightly plagues me, but I’m much better than before. I am optimistic that the future will be even better. In the meantime I plan to savor each day. Each minute.

    • Gregory Josephs - June 1, 2017 @ 10:47 pm

      I agree. I’m so grateful for the wisdom I’ve gained since being twenty-one. I wouldn’t trade that (or my own husband) for anything!

      I try to savor each day and minute, but sometimes I get a little caught up in things. Your comment is a great reminder to slow down a little. Thanks!

      • updownflight - June 2, 2017 @ 6:23 am

        Enjoy and take it easy, Gregory!

  3. Aimer Boyz - June 1, 2017 @ 3:45 pm

    The past always looks better from your seat in the future because we don’t remember it the way it was. We only remember the highlights good or bad and even they are seen through the filter of the experiences we have accumulated between then and now.

    Looking back often leads to a bad case of “if only”. If only I had done A instead of B. The if onlys can really screw up your day 🙂

    Great post, Gregory. Nice style.

    • Gregory Josephs - June 1, 2017 @ 10:50 pm

      Regarding that first paragraph, I couldn’t have said it better. It goes along with that whole hindsight is 20/20 thing. I really am so grateful for the experiences I’ve had which have led me to this point.

      I’ll admit I like to play a game of A instead of B now and again. It never seems to end well though, because I realize how much of my current life might never have come to be if I’d chosen differently in any given situation.

      Thanks for the commendation on the post. This one was fun to write. 😊

  4. cracTpot - June 2, 2017 @ 12:04 am

    Nostalgia for me is actually all about the cucumber sandwiches. I spent a whole summer eating them when I was a just a broke student who loved to dance. The vegetable garden at the rental house we stayed at was filled with cucumber plants which guaranteed that no matter how many poor financial choices we made, we wouldn’t starve. To this day, I can’t smell the freshness of a cucumber without smiling, remembering sitting in the hot summer sun, hungover. but laughing as we all feasted on cucumber sandwiches.

    • Gregory Josephs - June 2, 2017 @ 12:08 am

      I told you! Her sandwiches are SO good!

      On a serious note, what a beautiful memory! I have a work-share at our local community farm, and starting a week from now I’ll be bringing home loads of farm-fresh just-picked produce. Perhaps there are some cucumber sandwiches in my future.

      Confession. . . I’ve never actually had one! Blasphemy, I know. I do love a good pickle though, and make a mean cucumber tomato salad.

      • cracTpot - June 2, 2017 @ 12:11 am

        Garden fresh cucumber and tomato salad! Now that I can afford the olive oil, I would definitely go with this one…maybe with a warm piece of crusty Italian bread with butter?
        Oh gosh, now I’m drooling…C’mon summer!

        • Gregory Josephs - June 2, 2017 @ 12:13 am

          It’s nearly here! It takes a bit longer for those of us in the northern climes, but it’s coming! I’m drooling too. I’ll send you that recipe on Twitter at some point. . .

  5. pjlazos - June 5, 2017 @ 5:13 am

    Yes, but I also know my life gets better every year so it’s a temporary stroll down memory lane.😘

    • Gregory Josephs - June 5, 2017 @ 1:07 pm

      As it should be! Life generally does get better as time goes on. 😊

  6. estellalynch - June 6, 2017 @ 2:14 pm

    I love the flowing, beautiful description here of the enticing cucumber sandwiches, the water, the reflection of past–then you hit us with a huge shift, the confession that life sucked! I tasted these delicious cucumber sandwiches, enjoyed your bedroom view and welcomed the siren. Nostalgia has consumed me at moments in my life–this year I am striving to keep her at a distance so to remain present in life today. Ah…but I miss those childhood summers.

    Lovely piece of writing, Mister Josephs.

    • Gregory Josephs - June 6, 2017 @ 2:18 pm

      Thank you Estella! This was a fun post for me. Good luck staying in the present; it’s a tough battle sometimes given the um. . . Current state of the world. Childhood summers sound really enticing!

      I’m still chuckling about your Hawthorne post. Have an awesome day!

      • estellalynch - June 7, 2017 @ 4:53 am

        You radiate summer sunshine on the page, Mister Josephs! Thanks so much for the lovely comments about the Hawthorne post. I have such love for Boston and my time strolling its streets and parks.

        A toast to us–get thy cucumber sandwiches out and keep writing!

  7. A.S. Akkalon - June 7, 2017 @ 4:25 am

    Thank you for the beautiful post. I try to live in the present, but when I think back to certain things and know they’ll be never again… it’s not just a siren song. I knew at the time it couldn’t last and made the most of every moment, but it still ended. Pain is good fodder for writing, right?

    • Gregory Josephs - June 7, 2017 @ 9:02 am

      It’s an important and underdeveloped talent in many people to appreciate the present. I think maybe nostalgia wouldn’t have such a hold on us if we could appreciate experiences fully as they happened.

      Pain is the best fodder, for my writing anyways. I swear I’m a happy, upbeat person in real life, but creatively I’m drawn to the melancholy. 😊

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